I bought a bike

And rode it home from Target. 5.2 miles. Gonna see if I can do better tomorrow.


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Amanda: A Retrospective - part 1

This evening my wife showed me some old transcripts she saved from AOL Instant Messanger our Freshman year of college, and I laughed really hard. In reflecting upon that time of life and trying to contextualize comments about my tongue, my ressemblance to a certain Mr. Boreanaz, and why SPAM is an expletive, I've decided to take the time to tell the tale of Amanda. I don't think I've ever written it out. If any of you remember details I have since forgotten, please feel free to comment, and I'll happily update.

Why is this important to you, the end reader? Because it's fantastically embarrassing for all parties concerned, it showcases my rather dubious acting skills, my inability to edit video on a PC(or shoot enough takes in a 4-hour window to make anything workable), and it's at least mildly clever in places. And it's all true.*

*98%, at least. Faces have been changed to indemnify the guilty and make the innocent look better.

I had just gotten to college. I signed up for late summer honors, which is essentially a boring 2-day introduction to the honors college at the university and what extra stuff you do to graduate 'with honors'. Real reason for this? Moving into the dorms 5 days earlier than everyone else who starts in Fall. I felt it was worth it, so I could better acclimatize myself to college life. On a side-note, I still have and wear the free t-shirt they gave me that weekend. And I remember the strange middle-eastern film we watched about a blind boy who is apprenticed to a blind carpenter in the JSB auditorium on that Friday (Saturday?) night.

Once the rest of the students showed up, we were put into 'Y Groups', divided up by dorm rooms. In my group were a number of guys down the hall from me, and a handful of girls who I eventually got to know quite well. From the first day of these 'Y Groups', I remember 4 things:

1. The Smith Family Living Center (now demolished) was referred to as the 'Syphilis'
2. My Y Group leader reminded me of a grown-up metro version of the blond boy from the early Barney videos my younger sisters watched
3. Utahns played a strange game called 'Big Booty'
4. I met two girls, whose names I couldn't recall for the life of me. 

(Just watch to 18 seconds. Michael. My Y Group Leader. )

Those girls would disappear from subsequent Y Group activities, though they rejoined us for the last one, where we went down to Helaman field for a tailgate party to kick in the new Football season. There, I ran into the girls again, and in talking to them, excused myself for not remembering their names. One seemed quite offended, and threatened vaguely to cut off the conversation if I couldn't recall. (In retrospect, I always assumed she was joking. In kindness, I'll hold to that interpretation) The two of them were about to leave, being bored and over-heating in the sun. Somewhere, somehow, I thought back to a friend in High School that she reminded me of (though she looked completely different). Wagering a guess, I asked if her name was Amanda. (This actually surprised me, as it kinda came from nowhere in my brain) She looked shocked, as did her friend who was re-introduced to me as Tiffany. They stayed around a bit longer than they would have otherwise, and I remember enjoying the conversation greatly. Probably because I was flirting like MAD. 

Quickly, within a week or so, I had taken to hanging out with Amanda in the evenings. We'd play cards, mancala, talk, walk, etc. I still remember the second weekend of September (still quite warm out at the time) we stayed out until about 3 AM playing cards at various benches and walking around campus. We eventually settled down by the duck pond, and played Mancala for hours. She trounced me, mostly. The next day, she informed me that the hill on the south side of campus was called 'rape hill' for its history of aggression. I was kinda mad she took me there, partly I think because it made my memories of the experience feel creepy in retrospect. 

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Rape Hill

We didn't "date" at that time. We "dated" but weren't "dating". Yes, this is a picky line to draw, essentially because I refused to be "dating" her until she turned 18 (first week of October). Not that I went on dates with anyone else. 

At this time, we started reading scriptures in the evening. She had to read a few chapters every day to stay on pace for a Book of Mormon class she was taking. So she invited me to read with her. I did. We'd read scriptures and then watch the Simpsons. After a few days, we decided to switch the order around, so as not to blow away any chance of retaining what we gleaned from our reading. 

October rolled around, and I decided I'd ask her out for her birthday. I sent her clues it was coming. I printed sheet music to Elton John's "Can You Feel the Love Tonight". I sent her cryptic references to what was coming. 

I'm not sure if Utah is contagious, but I've heard that everyone here asks people out in the craziest of ways. Elaborate schemes involving thousands of plasticware forks in people's lawns and the like. I wasn't inspired by anyone else, but I decided to go all out and ask her out in style*.

*style is... subjective. And doesn't age well. Details forthcoming in part 2.

You Saved $0.97!

I originally made this post for a class I took. Original page here: You Saved $0.97!

All pictures as found, mostly in gutters around Provo. Additional text unnecessary.

Fish out of Water

Get Quenched

Religious Artifacts

Labeled. Named. Identified

This post originally from a class I took. Original post here: Labeled. Named. Identified.

The way in which we relate to landscape is principally by defining it. We label it. And by labeling it as 'off limits', 'for sale', or 'Joaquin Park', the space is changed in our minds. But in such a rigidly codified environment, one must wonder, what would these places look like without the signs?

A Two Hour Walk

All of these photos were taken during a 2 hour walk around Provo one March Morning. I chose five which I liked. Original Post here: Mini Assignment

Two Degrees of Separation

This post is originally from a class I took. Original is here: Two Degrees of Separation

In such a small environment as BYU, the average student is likely to cross several people that they know any time they walk across campus. Friends, coworkers, ex-girlfriends, old bosses – indeed, it seems that people run across fill the entire gamut from best of friends down to one notch above strangers in any given stroll.

I approached several people I knew and challenged them to a game, saying that I would follow them across campus to their eventual destinations. If they came across someone they knew, they got a point. If they could convince that person to take a picture with them, an additional point. If the found acquaintance remembered my subject's name, another point. With each round, I added more conditions. What I discovered is that the more rules I gave, sometimes paradoxically, the more information I received. The points meant nothing, as there was no prize, but the more points I offered the more information they willingly volunteered. As I upped the ante and made it into a competition ("I'll bet you I know more people than you do"), the more obsessed people were with sharing with me. 

Chapter 1

Opponent: Mike

Departure: Snell Building

Destination: Brimhall Building

Rule: Points if you can get people you know to take a picture with you

"One point for me." – We had only just crossed the street, and in the distance, Mike had seen Élise coming down the hill. She almost refused the picture until we told her Mike would be in it, too.

Chapter 2

Opponent: Amy

Departure: Jesse Knight Building

Destination: Benson Building

New Rule: Extra points if you can tell me where you know them from

"He seemed nice" I offered after we continued on our way. "Actually, normally he's kind of awkward..." Backstory - This guy is in her ward, from what I gather. Interestingly, he lent his crêpe pan to Amy's apartment when they had a crêpe party. When he came back later, they told him to just grab his out of the kitchen. He went into the kitchen and merely stared at the two crêpe pans that were sitting there for an uncomfortably long period of time. "How do you not know which pan is yours?" Amy asked me in retrospect. "They looked totally different!" My attempts to explain that perhaps he'd never really paid attention to what it looked like, focusing more on function than form, seemed to do little to justify his actions in her eyes.

Chapter 3

Opponents: Seth and Mike

Departure: Herald R. Clark Building

Destination: Law Building

New Rule: It's now a competition between me and them to see who knows more people.

"Sure I'll take a picture with you, Seth! Hold my bag..."

This mysterious girl called out to Mike from across the street. "Point for you?" I asked. "I have no idea who that is!" He gets no points for her, though I was kind enough not to take away points from him for it.

Mike and Seth also ran across an old classmate. Mike knew his first and last name, and asked him (I quote), "So are you reproducing yet?" I had to ask him later, "did he get married while you were in the same class or something? Why that question?" Mike's response: "Yes, but the question's valid for anyone, really." I didn't see the ring until looking at the photo later.

Chapter 4

Opponent: Randy

Departure: Jesse Knight Building

Destination: Herald R. Clark Building

New Rule: You can pick your path to your advantage.

"Wow, I didn't think I'd run into anyone I knew. That guy was in the other stake in my home town, I'm glad I remembered his name and that he even recognized me." Despite walking through the building where he teaches, right before his class, he didn't run across any of his students.

Chapters 5, 6 and 7

Opponent: Neil

Departures: Snell Building, Lee Library, Joseph Smith Building

Destination: Lee Library, Joseph Smith Building, Wilkinson Center

New Rule: Though you can pick your own path, you must remain outside during competition

"Sure, you guys can take a picture with me." No points for either of us, since Andrew is a mutual acquaintance.

I won 3 to 2, which upset Neil. Upon reaching the library (his destination), he decided "I don't feel like going to the Library. Rematch!" And so we headed to the JSB.

Three points for me. This really had a profound effect upon Neil's competitiveness. After falling so far behind in round 2, he went nuts, increasingly scraping every possible memory to find faces he recognized.

She sings in women's chorus, he sings in men's chorus. Pretty straight-forward. I'd have pressed him for details, but he was immediately onto the next target.

"Hey, how's it going?" Blank stare. Slowly, her face warms up as she seems to remember him. "I'm Neil, weren't we in [Class] together?" "Yah! How's it going?" "Good! can I take a picture with you?"

"Hey!" "Um... ohh... hi." I kid you not, this is a girl he met on a rainy day 4-5 months ago. "I was ducking through the basement of some building to get out of the rain on my way home, and I came across her. She was doing janitorial work, and I ended up talking to her for a half hour."

Round 2 was a tie. But since I was headed back to the Wilkinson Center anyway to find a new friend to challenge, he INSISTED we go for one more.

She is his 3 time ex-fiancée. Remarkably, they're still friends. And with this photo, he wins the round. There were other photos from this round, of little comparative interest. I declared him the winner. I'm not sure he'd have let me go if I hadn't, to be honest.

Chapter 7: Standing Still

Opponent: Susan

Departure and Destination: In front of the Library

New Rule: No moving. We stayed in front of the library.

Austin is her visiting-teachee's fiancé. I sold his brother a computer. He also used to stand next to me in choir, 10 years ago when we were in High School in Northern California (he's no longer a tenor). He was once the fiancé of my wife's former roommate. He was also in my wife's best friend's husband's sister's husband's freshman intramural sports team. No Really. He appears in my life every couple of years. Nice guy.

Susan found 3 others, but this one I show you because she said "I felt most comfortable taking the photo with my former student," and yet this is easily the most awkward of the batch. Her dance teacher, a former classmate, and an old friend all took photos with her within a 10 minute period of time, but those pictures are of no interest, as they're all smiling nicely.

Chapter 8:

Opponent: Ben

Departure: Jesse Knight Building

Destination: Testing Center

New Rule: "Yes this poster counts. I'm not against winning at all costs."

I can't be 100% certain, but this 'Sterling' fellow looks remarkably like someone who was in a theater class I took 6 years ago. He wrote and starred in a humorous one-act play about how he blamed himself as a child for his whole family dying when they fled Cuba, and in every case the death was caused indirectly by him having forgotten to wear his pantalones that morning. I write this because it is the perfect end to the experience. After two days of hunting in crowds for people I knew, every face held traits that seemed familiar. The experience of "do I know him? Yes? YES?!?! No..." seemed common to most all of the people I walked with.

In the end, I realized that everyone I knew on campus (with the exception of Austin, who pops back into my life every few years) is through my French degree. Either classmates, professors, or students of mine. I feel quite anti-social compared to Neil, for example, who seems to know people from everywhere.

When I ponder upon people like Austin, it makes me realize how inter-connected we are, and how many ways I know him. I didn't know many of the people my subjects did, but I wonder how many other connections to them I could find if I tried.